New Quote

"Embrace the pain of change. If you keep doing what you've been doing, you're gonna keep getting what you've been getting." —Dave Ramsey

Thought this was fitting for my upcoming surgery.  Here's to my new life!

Cheers :)

2 weeks!!!!!!!!!

2 weeks from today is my surgery....Eeeeeeek.  Okay, now that I have gotten that out of the way, I cannot believe that my life is going to be changed forever in a short amount of time.  I find myself nesting in a way.  Preparation makes me feel comforted.  Today I decided to do the past year's worth of filing in our home office.  ::hangs head in shame::  I also just completed my list of pre-op purchases that will help me get through the first few weeks.  Some sample items from my list:  Sugar free liquids, low fat broth soups, yogurt, baby food, etc.

The current debate in my head is whether slippers or flip flops would be better hospital footwear.  I love flip flops but will my feet be too chilly?  Perhaps a combination of the two?

This is some heavy stuff - I know.

In all honesty, the only thing I'm truly terrified of is something going terribly wrong in the OR and I don't come out alive.  But that's an honest fear of anyone having surgery.  I've been contemplating the idea of writing a letter to my DD and even DH - but am not sure if that's just too morbid.  And I don't want to discuss it too much here because it makes me sad. The pain factor is a little scary as well but I'm not too worried about anything else.  I'm just going to take things day by day and do what I need to do in order to get healthy and take my damn life back.

So the countdown continues.  Pre-admission testing on Friday morning, ENT later in the afternoon for my lovely broken nose and then liquid diet starting September 7th...dah dah daaaah. (That's dramatic music in case you didn't catch that.)

Jack and Jill didn't fall down the hill....

..it was me and it was terrifying!  Okay, it wasn't even a hill, it was a bathroom, but let's start from the beginning!  Saturday evening was the Jack and Jill party for my friends, SJ and LS at Yakitori Boy.  It was a great night, lots of offkey karaoke and one too many Tokyo Teas for me.  We were back at the hotel by 11pm and I was out cold by midnight. 

Here's a photo from the evening, I'm wearing SJ's crown:

In the morning, I grudgingly got up and got in the shower.  Looked pretty much like this:

I turned the shower on, stepped in and closed the shower curtain.  All of a sudden, I slipped and tried to grab the shower curtain.  Obviously, that's not going to stop a 300lb woman and my face, specifically my nose area, slammed into the toilet.  I hit it so hard that the toilet seat actually came off the hinges!  In shock, I reached for my face and put my hand over my nose and mouth, unsure of what I had actually injured.  When I pulled my hand away, there was so much blood that I was confused.  I yelled for help and my hero and one of my best friends, NR, poked her head in - and then took control.  She got me ice, covered my naked 300lb mess with towels to save me some embarrassment.  I was sobbing in pain and the blood just kept coming.   I swear it was just waterfalls of blood choking me.  The hotel staff was on their way up so I had help getting back into my pajamas.  I sat there shaking while NR filled out an incident report for me.

The hotel called EMS for me and they took me to a hospital a few blocks away.  NR waited patiently by my side until I was finally released.  And now I have to get a CT scan tomorrow morning and see an ENT to determine the extent of the injury.  I have to say this was one of the scariest moments in my life.  I really was so confused and it hurts so badly - even now.  I will be shaky getting into showers for a long time.

So hopefully I didn't ruin their weekend too badly.  I know that I am pretty much the laughing stock at work due to my insane magnetism to accidents.  Let's just hope and pray that my surgery does not contain any accidents and it goes more smoothly than the past few months have for me.

Pre-Op Visit

I was really excited for my pre-op visit and class and Shawn took the day off to go with me.  My pre-op visit was a laughable 30 minutes of all that could possibly go wrong during surgery and me signing papers saying I was going to do it anyway.  Then we came back in the afternoon for the pre-op class which was essentially going over the handbook that we were given at our initial visit.  Since I've read the thing cover to cover on numerous occasions it was old news for me.  I was hoping for some new information or something - I scored a 100% on the test though.  So that was a plus.

And that was it.  I don't know if I wasn't expecting fanfare or something but it was oddly anti-climactic.

On another note, my friend who had surgery is doing well.  She's lost 19lbs in her first week.  I don't expect to lose that much but I'm very happy for her!

So the countdown is on!  Less than 3 weeks to go......eeeek!

Going Public

So if you are reading this, then you probably are curious about my choice to have RNY.  I am writing this because I want it to come from the source, not from he said/she said.  So feel free to ask questions (if they are out of curiosity and not malicious).  I also want people to know up front that the decision is made and I don't want any backlash from people who don't agree with me.

Here it is....I weigh over 300lbs.  Yep. 3-0-0.  So when you say "The lady next to me on the plane had to weigh at LEAST 300lbs!" - that's me.  Or " God that chick was so fat!  She had to weigh more than 300lbs!" - That's me too.  I'm sure you've all seen my struggles throughout the past 10 years or so.  The wake up call came when Samantha's life and my life were in danger during my pregnancy.  After my pregnancy, I gained so much weight that I now have 150lbs to lose.  It would be really difficult for someone like me to drop 150lbs with diet and exercise alone and maintain that weight loss.  I'm not saying it's impossible but I am saying that it is unlikely.

Statistics say that those diagnosed as morbidly obese (that's me) before the age of 40 will live 22 YEARS less than their average weight counterparts.  22 YEARS!!  That's my retirement, my daughter as an adult, my grandchildren - all gone because I won't survive this weight problem.  And I'll be damned if I'm going to live with that statistic.  So I am making a decision on what is best for myself and my family.  

I have already researched the pros and cons extensively and evaluated the risks associated with surgery.  I have attended informational sessions, many support group meetings and met with all the right people.  I've heard the horror stories but I've also heard the success stories.  I have WLS buddies who are there to support me and I have some family and friends who are behind me 100%.  All I ask is that if you have a negative or condescending opinion is that you keep it to yourself.  It is extremely important that I am ONLY surrounded by loving and supportive people.

This surgery is by no means the magic bullet or the "easy way out".  It will take extremely hard work and major dedication for it to pay off.  I am well aware of what I need to do.  If you are anti-surgery, I encourage you to do some research for yourself.  Also, anyone is welcome to attend a support group meeting with me - they take place once a month at AMH.

If you'd like more information on my WLS, try visiting http://www.obesityhelp.com/ or http://www.amh.org/services/bariatric-metabolic/surgical-weight-loss-procedures/. 

Update

Had another support group meeting two weeks ago.  We had a breakout session for just RNY'ers.  A friend of mine from another law firm met me there.  She's having RNY on August 15th.   The breakout session was interesting because we got to hear from people at several stages: preop, 2 weeks out, 4 weeks out, 2 months out and 8 years out.  There was a man there who was extremely well spoken who was 2 1/2 months out and had already lost 85lbs post op.  Unreal!  Obviously that is not typical but I just couldn't imagine losing 85lbs period.

The girl at 4 weeks out was having a really tough time mourning her food.  She was very angry with herself for having surgery and resentful.  She said she wished she could take it back.  Most folks jumped in and said she would only feel that way for a little while longer and that it gets better.  They said everyone goes through a griveing process for their old lifestyle.  It's good to know there are people there to support me afterwards.

My pre-op appointment is approaching quickly.  August 22nd.  They will do some tests and labs.  That afternoon I have to take a post-op nutrition and care class and then get tested on the material.  I'm starting to get more nervous as September approaches.  My health hasn't been very good the past few weeks so I've been a bit down on myself.  I just want the day to finally come when I wake up and feel energetic and healthy.

I've already made arrangements for DH to be home in the evenings to help me care for DD.  And my SIL has agreed to take DD to daycare for me in the mornings.  Hopefully that won't last for too long.  Some people said it was 10 weeks before they could lift things again - and DD is so darn adorable and sweet, it's going to be hard not to pick her up and give her a squeeze whenever I want.

So here I sit.  Waiting for September 12th. 

Why Being Fat Sucks. (Inspired by Shelly @ The World According to EggFace)

a.k.a. Why I'm having WLS

1. Boobs that weigh more than my 1 year old daughter.
2. Going shopping with friends and only being able to buy accessories or home goods.
3. When people you are with ask for a booth and you aren't sure you can fit.
4. Going to concerts and not being able to fit into the t-shirts.
5. Being hot all the time.
6. Sweat.
7. Summer clothing (sleeveless, short, revealing, definitely not fat-friendly)
8. Narrow aisles in stores and squeezing through crowds at bars.
9. Weighing in at the doc's office and seeing them move that little metal weight over one more notch.
10. Being limited to two clothing stores.
11. Sex.
12. People analyzing what you eat constantly.
13. Airplane seats and bathrooms. Enough said.
14. People always saying, "You have such a pretty face."
15. Walking by a group of teenagers and hoping they don't make comments.
16. Having pictures taken.
17. Ordering things for special events like bridesmaid dresses.
18. Not fitting on roller coasters and amusement rides.
19. Getting into contortions to paint my toes.
20. Worrying when I hear a creak in a chair.
21. Movie theater and regular theater seats.
22. Never getting a piggy back ride or being swept off my feet.
23. Wiping my butt.
24. Shaving.
25. Catching food with my cleavage.