Nerves!!!

I have had moments of sheer terror thinking about RNY and the fact that my body will be FOREVER changed.  I started to feel sorry for myself thinking about not being able to enjoy my daughter's wedding cake when she gets married in 20-some years (lol...I know but I do think about stuff like this).  So I panicked and wrote Dr. B a letter asking to change my surgery to VSG anyway. 

He wrote back that night (another reason why I love IMBS) and told me that it's natural to be scared and that he would gladly do a VSG but that my insurance only approves VSG in combination with an RNY or DS anyway - which I did not realize.  I had my tears about it and even considered going to Mexico and paying out of pocket (DH nixed that idea REAL quick).

So I have made my peace with RNY and accepted that in order to make a really important change in my life, my body will have to change too.  But it won't just be changing inside....the change will be visible on the outside.  The change will also happen in my lifestyle...change will be everywhere.  And I need a change.  So it is scary and I'll probably have a few more moments of panic between now and surgery day (whenever that may be).  But I have to keep reminding myself that I'm doing this to save my life and so I can enjoy life right now.