Arghhhh...

No, I'm not trying to be a pirate!  I'm already fed up and it's only just begun.  For those of you who have never been pregnant or have never faced complications, let me tell you that it is the most frustrating and time-consuming process when you are high risk.

The doctors watch you like a hawk.  This is a good thing because obviously you don't want anything to go wrong.  But it involves lots of blood work and peeing in cups and appointment after appointment.  It becomes a full-time job monitoring your health.

This was the EXACT reason why I was waiting to get pregnant until after my surgery.  The surgery was supposed to help me get healthy and back to an average person status.  Now I'm facing high blood pressure (pre-eclampsia), gestational diabetes and lord knows what else as I enter this pregnancy.

I'm angry at myself for letting myself get so unhealthy.  And in all honesty I'm scared to death for myself and for this baby.  I promise I'm going to give it my all and work really hard but I don't know if it will be enough to save me from those complications lurking right around the corner.

I'm sorry if I'm sound like I'm complaining but I just got off the phone with my OB about my failed 1 hr. glucose test - now I have to take the dreaded 3 hr.  Not a big deal if you are say 28 weeks or 30 weeks.   I'm 7 weeks and my sugars are already high.  Not. Good.

I'm not religious but I think prayer might become a new hobby.

Baby No. 2 is 6wks and 5 days along.

Had my ultrasound yesterday.  Got to see his or her little hearbeat....strong as ever.  I am still reeling from the shock of it all.  Haven't even had a chance to shed too many tears for all the work I put into the surgery preparations because I've been thrown into a whole other ballgame. 

Had my obstetric bloodwork panel, glucose test and 24 hour urine today.  I'm waiting to hear back from the perinatal doctors so I can make an appointment with them.  I have got hospital paperwork to fill out. I'm already considered high risk because of my weight and my pregnancy history.  I hope my work will be understanding.

It's going to be a long journey.  But it will be worthwhile.  I can't believe I'm going to be a mommy again!

My Life Has Changed...

...but not in the way you might think.  We arrived at the hospital around 5:45a and they took me back right away.  Shawn had to wait in the waiting room.  They put me in a little room with a curtain.  I was instructed to pee in a cup and then change into a gown and the infamous slipper socks.

As I waited, I was beyond terrified.  I examined my new wardrobe, a giant lavender gown which had a giant flap in the stomach area - I assume it was for surgical access.  It also had two portholes, one by the lower right leg and one by my upper left shoulder.  Just then, a nurse popped her head in and told me she'd be back shortly to go over procedure.

Shortly turned into a half hour.  I then began to hear discussion in the hallway.  I heard one nurse say Dr. B called and that he was not doing my surgery today.  I was furious!!!  Why was he not coming in - how could he do this??  Then I heard them call another doctor up to the floor.  I was confused but I figured at least someone would do my surgery.  I watched his feet under the curtain as this new doctor browsed my chart.  I wondered if those feet belonged to a master surgeon and maybe he wouldn't give me a drain like Dr. B planned to.

He came in and said "Hi, I'm Dr. K.".  I shook his hand and said, "Nice to meet you."  Then he said it.  "We can't do your surgery today because we believe you are pregnant."

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!

He must have seen the shock on my face because he said, "we tested your urine twice and it came up positive both times."  I asked him how this could be as I have an IUD?!  He said it just sometimes happens.  He said they could do a blood draw and send the results to my OB/GYN to confirm.  If it's a false positive, they will reschedule my surgery.

I took two home tests - both positive.  Blood test confirmed it this morning.  Only 4 to 5 weeks along, so it's super early.  There's a  slight chance I could miscarry when they remove the IUD - so I'm really nervous about that for tomorrow.

So there you have it folks.   No gastric bypass for me - instead I'm going to have a baby.  How's that for a plot twist?

Tomorrow is the BIG day

So I've been fairly introspective the last few days but I know I should be updating you guys!  The liquid diet has been REALLY hard for me to deal with.  I never really appreciated the ability to have what I want - when I want it.  I went to a craft fair yesterday and the smell of hot dogs and pizza was nearly crippling for me!  The soft pretzels were trying to follow me but I foiled them.  Thankfully I was surrounded by folks holding me accountable so that wasn't an option.  Last night I went to sleep dreaming about a turkey and cheese hoagie.

Today I've been feeling pretty blah.  I cried a lot this morning.  And I cried when my DH took DD to my in-laws for a few days.  When I have obstacles to face I tend to withdraw.  I did this with DD's labor and delivery.  I think it's what makes me strong.  I use that energy and direct it to where I need it.  I honestly don't know how I'll be feeling this time tomorrow night but I know that whatever happens will make me a stronger and better person.

The hunger and pain will only last a short time compared to the life I'm giving myself by having this surgery.  So here I go, no looking back - onward and upward!

Counting down.

In less than a week, just five short days I will be having my surgery.  Looking back, this day seemed so far away.  Now it's rapid approach is causing my stomach to flip and flop all over the place.  As the minutes pass and I face five days of pre-op liquid diet in just 10 minutes, my breathes are getting heavier and quicker.  The thought of all that I will be missing is overwhelming.

BUT I have to keep myself in check and remind myself that these losses are just food items.  I still have the important people in my life, I still have a great job and a roof over my head.  Junk food is no longer going to take priority in my life.

My primary doc was kind enough to provide me with a few pills to help keep panic attacks at bay.  I'm just hoping I can control my emotions over the next few days.  My husband is a saint for going through this with me!

So here goes nothing....only 8 minutes until I'm officially on liquids.  Better get a handful of candy in quick.