Second thoughts?

I'm having trouble deciding if I'm having second thoughts because I'm scared or because they are legitimate things I should be concerned about.  My biggest concern is my eating habits.  If I have weight loss surgery, I have to maintain the diet and exercise program for life or I can still gain weight back.  I have never been able to stick to a diet.  Can I eat only healthy, nutritious options and get rid of carbs that I love?  And why do I love food so much - I'm in therapy for that one.

I can eat an entire small pizza in a sitting and I will only be able to eat 1 cup worth of food per sitting after the surgery.  That is like a mind game - my stomach will say I'm full but my head will be like - you only ate a tiny piece of chicken, you can't be full!

I don't know who to talk to about this.  Maybe I should just call the nurse at the hospital and see what they say.  Maybe I should give regular dieting and exercise another shot before I give up? Sigh.  It sucks being confused like this.

Dealing with everyone else's opinions

Weight loss surgery or WLS as the community calls it, seems like a very sticky subject with people.  Most people I come across are anti-surgery for weight loss.  They see it as a "easy out" solution to a  weight problem. Granted, the majority (not all) of those negative nellies are thin and have never dealt with an ongoing weight problem.  And they have not done enough research to know that the surgery and post-op life changes are by no means easy.

Here's the problem for me.  I need a support system for this surgery to work.  Regardless of my friends and family members' opinons on the subject, I'm counting on them to keep their mouths zipped and help me get through this.  My in-laws have already voiced their concerns over the topic and although I know they mean well, neither of them has ever had a weight problem.  I was afraid to tell my mother about my decision to investigate WLS but she has been good so far.  I know she is not thrilled because she is my mother and I KNOW when she is excited about something.  But she knows the struggle because she is going through it and I think she just really wants me to be healthy, no matter how I get there.

A few of my friends have asked a lot of questions and told me they generally don't agree with the surgery but if it's what I need to do....BUT I need a cheering section.  Right now, that cheering section consists of my husband.  He came to the information session with me as a skeptic but left confident that I could do this and it was a good choice.  And I am so grateful for his support.

So now I need to work on telling other people what I need from them.  Because how will they know if I don't tell them?

Intake Appointment Summary

I was greeted with plenty of smiles at the Institute for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery when I arrived Monday morning which helped me relax.  The intake nurse was a really sweet woman about my age with a new baby at home as well.  We chatted about my medical history.  She recorded my weight, 300.4lbs, (GASP - not really I knew that) and my height and then we talked about what surgery I was considering, which is VSG (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy). 

I am bummed because she said my insurance does cover the surgery but only if your BMI is 50 or above.  Her calculation of my BMI is 45 (I think it's 47), but either way - it's so close that rejection would be painful.  We will submit for that surgery anyway and if they deny the claim we can appeal the decision.  I'm hoping that with my medical history, the surgery will be approved.

I made my appointment to visit with the surgeon, the nutritionist and the psychiatrist for next month.  They said I could come in sooner with a different surgeon (I chose Dr. Bonnani) but I figured that 1 month isn't that long to wait and it will give me more time to research and make a decision.

Now for the crazy part.  I have to get a chest xray, an abdominal MRI, EKG, all kinds of blood work as well as another fun sample I won't share with you but you get the idea.  So, a month gives me time to get all that together!  Thank god child birth took away all of my shame and I can now go through anything without shock or embarrassment. lol.