I often daydream about what it would be like to be thin. Sometimes I picture myself walking into Victoria's Secret or Forever 21 and actually picking out clothes or underwear! How cool would that be? Most people take for granted the luxury of shopping for regular-sized clothes. Shopping for me is a totally different experience. I get to shop at Lane Bryant or Avenue. Sometimes Macys or Sears have plus-sized clothes that are decent but they mainly cater to the older crowd and don't have very stylish items.
Whenever I go to Lane Bryant at the mall, I feel like people are staring at me as I walk in - like "There goes the fatty looking for clothes". Of course, I'm sure that's mostly in my head but it's still is embarrassing. Even worse is trying on something that looks cute on the plus-sized mannequin or in the flyer but looks nothing like that on you. Although it might if I used clothes pins to hold in on me like they use on the mannequins. I've noticed that plus-sized models don't have a fat belly, they all have flat stomachs...which I find odd since most big women have bellies. So yes, those jeans look cute on the model but on me they look like mom jeans if I don't cover up my pooch.
In my thin daydream, I can get up and walk around without any pain, I go to nightclubs and dance the night away in a slinky black dress, I put on sexy lingerie for my husband and it doesn't look like a muumuu. Ahhh....it would be wonderful.
But for now, I'm trapped in this shell of a person who isn't really me. She's an imposter who's taken over the fun-loving, energetic Danielle who likes to dance, smile and sing. My one hope is that the surgery will bring her back. And maybe....just maybe I'll buy underwear from Victoria and find her secret.
Inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop
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